yakked

Yo. I yakked this morning, maybe my owners will get the message: THAT DIET FOOD TASTES LIKE CRAP. Do they really think I can't tell the difference between regular dry stuff and the "low calorie", "low fat", shite? Hey humans, guess what? I can read the package. Duh. If I have my own blog don't you think I know how to read? Freakin' clowns. Anyway, Blondie's away so Smelly Feet'll have to clean it up. You know sometimes I think he figures I'm going to eat my own puke, is he nuts? Well, truth be told, some of that deluxe food is worth another go, I mean, I know where it's been. Ha! Oh yeah, I left a dangleberry on my butt this morning too, you should've seen the look on his face, abso-freakin-lutely priceless. There's a nap in my future, and the future is now.

the shitter

Behold the "shitter". Well, I piss in there too, but still I call it the "shitter". One of my goals in life is to try and make this thing as stinky as possible by half burying my dumps and then peeing by the front door. Then, once a week or so I like to sit back while Blondie and Smelly Feet decide whose turn it is to change the gravel that I've crapped on! Hil-freakin'-arious! You gotta wonder why there's a roof on the thing though, I mean, what are they expecting- a tornado or something? And while I'm going on about it I'd really like a magazine rack and maybe a light in there, you know, for those looooong sessions. Anyhoo... gotta run, I saw a treat wedged in the couch I must've overlooked this morning. Meow.

think I need a furcut

Been thinking lately it's time for a change. I mean, I've been wearing my fur the same way ALL MY LIFE. I was flicking through channels on the noisy picture box the other day ( no thumbs required) and I saw a few styles that I might consider. I really like that sleek, smooth look that cheetahs are wearing these days. Then there's the rough and tumble, devil may care look of the lion. Knowing my humans, though, they'll do something ridiculous like some lame-ass poodle. Anyhow, for now I'll just shed all over the place and see if that helps.

there's something afoot...

I'm not stupid. I may be a cat but I know what's going on. There's something funny going on at my place these days. Blondie has been away for days on end and Smelly Feet doesn't scramble around the house near five o'clock trying to make it like he's been doin' shit all day. My guess is either they're splitting up- which I doubt 'cause they seemed pretty tight last weekend- or there is some kind of move coming up. Yeah, that's it. There was some people looking at the place the other day. yep, that's gotta be it. Thanks for the warning. I tried to look my best but I get the usual- "Wow, that's a BIG cat" ... typical. Well, I guess I don't have too much say in the matter. All I can hope for is they don't do the "Slim Cat" wherever we end up.
I'll try to keep you all up to date. Meeee ow.

the amazing slim cat

So this is the amazing "slim cat" ball that everyone's talking about. It's brutal. The humans put a "day's" worth of food in it, twist it open and figure they're off the hook for the rest of the day. Yeah, right. The thing's round humans, it's going to roll. Morons. And they wonder why I wake them at 5 a.m. when the damn "slim cat" has rolled behind the vacuum cleaner.

I hate this thing. Imagine trying to eat your favourite tuna sandwich while wearing a muzzle. Ridiculous. I swear one day I'll roll the thing off the deck and smash it into a million pieces down below. What is down there anyway? One day I really gotta check it out. You know, stretch the ol' legs a bit. Nah, screw that. Sounds like too much work for this cat. Lasers are up but the humans are distracted by "chores", I'm napping.

laser beams, part deux

Man, these humans are nuts. They put up these laser beams to keep me from heading back to bed after eating. Yeah, right. As if a few elastic bands are going to keep me from my favourite pastime, napping. Here's a picture I found in one of their cameras showing me "stuck" in the laser beams. Losers.

Hilarious part is they forget they've put the laser beams up and then trip on them while carrying a load of laundry in their arms. Serves them right. Wait, I hear the sound of food. Gotta go.

soft food- why not everyday?

I guess you figured out by now that I LOVE soft food, I'd say it's my favourite thing in the whole wide world next to sleeping. In fact, what could be better than waking up to the sound of a tin of soft food being opened, chomping it back and then going back to sleep... heaven. Trouble is, for some reason, my humans only give me the soft stuff maybe once a week if that. It's as if they're hoarding it. Wait a sec, maybe- heaven forbid- there is a soft food crisis. I know the noisy picture box is full of depressing economic news about stuff I can't really get my head around, but what if the world soft food supply was drying up? Oh my god! Noooooo!! Say it ain't so.
I know there's plenty of tuna to go around, my humans love the stuff. But it must be quite rare or expensive because I hardly get any of that. In fact smelly feet tries to shut me up by just pouring the tuna juice in my bowl, thinking I'll be content with that. Think again, stinky.
Anyways, I'm late for my nap.