not...feeling....well....

Hey there loyal followers, I'm gonna be brief. Felt great last week, caught a mouse on Friday, showed it off to Smelly Feet then woke up Saturday morning feeling like crap. I yakked a couple times, I've got no appetite (yes, I, Ficus, have nooo appetite) and my belly hurts. Blondie took me to the vet where they stabbed me, poked me and shoved things down my throat. Looks like I'm just going to chill for a few days, so bear with me.
Don't worry I'll be back, hungrier than ever.
Oh yeah, the doc said I've lost weight! Almost half a kilo.
Over and outski.

It's me, Ficus again.

So. Peterborough. Smells nice here. I've got a lot of space.

I have to admit The Blonde One can be really embarrassing: if I've "gone too far" she comes to pick me up. Seriously. Get over it, lady. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to have your "Mum" come and pick you up in front of your buddies? I have legs lady. I can walk home. And no, I am not high on the catnip and trying to hide my eyes. I just want to go out sometimes.

About my neighbours. They're brothers, but I think they're brothers from other mothers. One is named Peepers. Or so I thought. Suddenly everyone is calling him PIPpers. Pippy my ass. He's not so PIPpy. You should hear some of the shit that comes out of his mouth. Anyway, maybe I'm being a little sensitive.....Smelly Feet has decided to feed Pipers some of MY treats. I guess he's not so bad. I mean....he does come to visit me every morning. We DID nap today. He does know an awful lot about the 'hood. He warned me about his brother, Jack. Jack-ass. He had the nerve to growl at me today. Bring it Jack. I'm fatter than you. Really, Give Peace a Chance, man.

Anyway, dinner time. Gotta jet, obviously.

it's "pippers", not "peepers" please!

Hey. I'm Pippers. I live next door to that fat thing they call Ficus. Don't get me wrong, he seems like a cool cat but geez, he could do to skip a meal now and then. And talk about lack of street smarts! You'd thing he spent his whole life indoors!

So I am more or less King of the Hill around here. I was born and raised in a barn and prefer the great outdoors to the stuffy house. I met Stinky and the Blonde One a few weeks back while they were checking out the house and it looks like they've moved in. They're a bit stingey on the treats though, the students who lived there before even put a bowl out for me. But they do shoot me the odd one here and there, although I'm sure Fat Fike eats raw sirloin and sips on half and half cream, either that or he's got a monster brick of cheese that he keeps to himself.

Between you and me though, it's good to have another curious cat in the 'hood. My roommate Jack (he's Siamese) isn't much of a wanderer, and we definitely need to make our feline presence known or you never know, this could become dog country.

Ok. So my tail doesn't move. I was born that way. My owner once considered chopping it off, but really it doesn't get in my way. And I have had it for 19 years now. Yep, nineteen years. And I've got a ways to go yet, that's for sure. It's all about pacing yourself. Something you humans could take a lesson on. Anyways, I'll be stopping in from time to time. Nice to meet you, got any treats?

relocation

I thought so. There was something weird going on for awhile there and it all makes sense now. Blondie and Smelly Feet packed up everything, put it in a van and took it away. Then they came for me, put me in a cage (how degrading) and drove me to the country. Must admit, I was pretty nervous. Yeah, so I shat myself too, like you wouldn't do the same. Anyways, it turns out they've rented a house in Peterborough- my home town! I've only been here a few days but it sure is different. There's other cats all over the place. Next door lives Peepers, and I'm not too sure about her. She meows funny. Her tail doesn't move. And she spends all day outside! I saw another tabby cat as well, and a siamese. As soon as they unpack the camera I'll post some pics. Later folks!

yakked

Yo. I yakked this morning, maybe my owners will get the message: THAT DIET FOOD TASTES LIKE CRAP. Do they really think I can't tell the difference between regular dry stuff and the "low calorie", "low fat", shite? Hey humans, guess what? I can read the package. Duh. If I have my own blog don't you think I know how to read? Freakin' clowns. Anyway, Blondie's away so Smelly Feet'll have to clean it up. You know sometimes I think he figures I'm going to eat my own puke, is he nuts? Well, truth be told, some of that deluxe food is worth another go, I mean, I know where it's been. Ha! Oh yeah, I left a dangleberry on my butt this morning too, you should've seen the look on his face, abso-freakin-lutely priceless. There's a nap in my future, and the future is now.

the shitter

Behold the "shitter". Well, I piss in there too, but still I call it the "shitter". One of my goals in life is to try and make this thing as stinky as possible by half burying my dumps and then peeing by the front door. Then, once a week or so I like to sit back while Blondie and Smelly Feet decide whose turn it is to change the gravel that I've crapped on! Hil-freakin'-arious! You gotta wonder why there's a roof on the thing though, I mean, what are they expecting- a tornado or something? And while I'm going on about it I'd really like a magazine rack and maybe a light in there, you know, for those looooong sessions. Anyhoo... gotta run, I saw a treat wedged in the couch I must've overlooked this morning. Meow.

think I need a furcut

Been thinking lately it's time for a change. I mean, I've been wearing my fur the same way ALL MY LIFE. I was flicking through channels on the noisy picture box the other day ( no thumbs required) and I saw a few styles that I might consider. I really like that sleek, smooth look that cheetahs are wearing these days. Then there's the rough and tumble, devil may care look of the lion. Knowing my humans, though, they'll do something ridiculous like some lame-ass poodle. Anyhow, for now I'll just shed all over the place and see if that helps.